i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
