I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
