We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
