I want to have your abortion
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
