My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
