to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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