So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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