i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
