so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
