I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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