some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
