god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
she peed on how many people?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
