If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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