If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
