the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
