i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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