Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
