I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
