i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
