There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
how does that bad decision feel?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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