Kiss
Puke
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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