I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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