it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
