Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
