She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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