i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
