dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize