He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
