Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
