I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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