dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
