that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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