Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
