im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
