hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
