you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
