Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
