You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
she told me i tasted like america
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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