I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
