im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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