Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
