Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
