I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
