out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Two words: blizzard sex
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
