shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
