I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
