What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
