Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
