my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I showed him my bush... on skype.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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