i don't like sucking hair
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
