Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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