I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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