Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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