I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
