Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
