I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
