pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
that's an acceptable place to lick
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
