If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
