Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
