Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
