Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
