The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
