I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
