he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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