1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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