dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
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