I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
