...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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