Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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