worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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